Wednesday, May 13, 2015

How I Became a Mad Scientist -Episode 9




It took about 36 hours for Bessie to make it to the other side of her growth spurt. By the end of it, we were both sleep-deprived and exhausted. I collapsed into bed after letting my mom know that I was feeling better, but really needed to sleep unbothered for a day or so. Luckily, my mom believes that sleep is the best cure for illness, so I could trust her to leave me alone.

I woke up because something floppy and slimy was resting on my face. I sat straight up. Bessie had gotten out of her tub, and she’d grown.  Her cow-body was about the size of a German Shepherd, and her tentacles sprawled everywhere.  At least she didn’t seem to be hungry.  I grabbed my phone and called Frank. 

 I looked for my shoes while I waited for him to answer. They weren’t next to the bed. I must have kicked them underneath the other day.  I hung over the edge to look for them and felt a little sick to my stomach.  My shoes weren’t under my bed. Nothing was under my bed.  I grabbed Bessie’s face and smelled her breath.  It smelled like paper, gym shoes, and old candy wrappers mixed together with dirty laundry.  

 "Bessie!” I yelled. “Bad girl!” 

Frank answered in time to hear my shouts.  “What’s going on? What did Bessie do?”

“She grew!” Bessie tried to twine her tentacles around my legs as I talked. “And she ate everything on my floor. Including my shoes!”

“Well,” Frank said, “Your mom told you to keep them on the shoe rack.  At least she’ll be happy that your room is clean, right?”

“This isn’t funny, Frank. She’s a menace!  I can’t keep her here anymore. We have to do something.”
Frank was silent.  “Don’t you dare say that you warned me, Frank. What are we going to do?”
 
“Well,” Frank said slowly,”Cows and Krakens both get pretty big.”

Bessie slithered over to my window and started plucking at the blinds. If she decided they were good to eat, my mom would kill me.

“Yes, Frank. I’m aware that cows are big. And there’s one slithering around my room eating everything in sight.”

“You liked her,” Frank pointed out as Bessie licked the baseboards. “You said she was cute and you were going to keep her.”

“I was wrong, OK,” I said. “This has gotten out of hand. What are we going to do?”

“You have to find her a new home,” Frank said. “Somewhere where she can find food.”

“What, like the zoo? Or the circus?” How on earth did you even find a circus? They just randomly popped up and disappeared once a year.

“NO!” Frank shouted so loudly that Bessie heard him and lowed nervously. “They’d trace it back to us, and I’d get arrested for violating my probation.  We need to find somewhere to let her go. Somewhere with water, and fish, and grass.”

“Like the river?” I asked.  “Wouldn’t she throw off the local ecosystem or something?”

“Naah,” Frank said. “The Ohio would work. They already have problems with pollution and invasive species, so they’d assume she was a natural mutant. And there’s only one of her, so it’s not like she’d start breeding and bothering boaters.”

I knew Frank was right. The Ohio was our best bet, especially since we could walk down to the boat ramp and avoid uncomfortable questions from our moms.  But how would we hide her on the walk down?  If we carried a Kraken-Cow down the street, someone was bound to see us and call our parents. Small towns are like that. If only we could pass her off as a dog, or a horse… or even…a cow?  I bounced my idea of Frank. He agreed that it was so bizarre, it just might work.

Next Episode.

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